62 Tips on Caring for a Loved One with Dementia

Caring for a loved one with dementia is an act of love that can be overwhelming at times. As dementia progresses, your loved one becomes increasingly dependent on you for their daily needs.

Our dementia caregiver tips include practical advice on how to help someone with dementia daily, such as keeping your loved one safe, managing behavior, minimizing agitation, reducing sundowning, caring for hygiene needs, managing meals, and more. We also provide tips for caring for yourself and finding resources so you do not have to do it alone.

Keeping Your Loved One Safe

Dementia can cause disorientation, unusual behaviors, and physical limitations that increase your loved one’s risk of injury. An effective safety plan should include the following actions:

Provide 24-hour supervision. Never leave your loved one alone in the home or the car, and do not allow them to leave the house alone.
Block access to hazards within the home. Remove stove knobs and add child-proof plastic covers to doorknobs. Install alarms on exterior doors and windows to signal when they are opened.
Prepare for emergencies. Provide an ID bracelet or necklace for your loved one to wear at all times in case your loved one wanders. Create a fire plan and plan for natural disasters common to your area.
Remove fall hazards. Avoid using throw rugs, keep clutter to a minimum, and provide nightlights throughout the home.
Do not let your loved one drive. Disable the car, hide the keys, or sell the vehicle and say it is in the shop. Keep your keys hidden or out of your loved one’s reach.

Although it may feel dishonest, therapeutic lying is not dishonesty. It is a method of participating in your loved one’s reality and minimizing unnecessary distress.

Managing Dementia-Related Behaviors

People with dementia respond to caregivers and their environment in ways that may be hard to understand. Their bathroom habits may change. They may resist your help and make statements that do not make sense to you. The following tips can help you cope with common dementia-related behaviors:

Maintain a structured, predictable routine. Establish regular times for sleep, wake-up, meals, and activities.
Develop a toilet schedule. Once every two hours is common. As dementia progresses, the gastrocolic reflex, which signals the need for a bowel movement, may be reduced. The bladder may also fail to signal the brain with an urge to urinate. A regular toilet schedule can help your loved one maintain continence.
Accommodate rather than control. If your loved one becomes restless, provide meaningful tasks or activities, and use redirection and distraction rather than force.
Participate in your loved one’s reality. Avoid arguing or correcting your loved one if they insist something happened or do not remember a conversation. Find natural ways to redirect the conversation or initiate an activity as a distraction.

Minimizing Agitation and Anxiety

Agitation, anxiety, and aggression in a loved one with dementia may stem from pain, hunger, thirst, infections, medications, and difficulty expressing themselves. Confusion and loss of control can contribute to these responses. You may be able to minimize negative emotions and aggression by doing the following:

Avoid overstimulation. Keep noise, clutter, and visitors to a minimum.
Maintain a routine. Do everything at the same time of day and avoid rearranging furniture or other items.
Avoid substances that increase agitation. Do not give alcohol or stimulants to someone with dementia, and avoid using them yourself when you are or will be with them.
Maintain a soothing environment. Use aromatherapy, such as lavender or lemon essential oils. Play relaxing music at a low volume, such as wholetones, classical music, or your loved one’s preferred music.
Provide gentle massages. Massage your loved one’s hands or feet.
Provide exercise opportunities. Go for a daily walk with your loved one or provide other physical activities.
Avoid forceful solutions. Do not physically restrain your loved one unless necessary for their safety.
Avoid arguing. Acknowledge your loved one’s thoughts and feelings. Distract, redirect, and perhaps offer a snack to overcome difficult moments.

Handling Duplicate Conversations and Questions

Your loved one may forget conversations within moments and either bring up something they just told you or ask a question you had already answered. It is important to note that there is usually nothing you can say to jog their memory, and it could create embarrassment, agitation, and anxiety in your loved one. The following dementia caregiver tips describe the best ways to handle duplicate conversations and questions:

Answer questions simply without elaborating.
Redirect your loved one to an activity or start singing a familiar song.
Wait to discuss plans until just before the event.
Create signs that answer frequently asked questions and hang them in relevant areas throughout the house.

Identify behaviors that indicate needs, such as pulling on clothing when they need to use the restroom.

Coping with Delusions, Suspicion, and Paranoia

Brain changes and memory loss alter your loved one’s information-processing abilities and perceptions of others. If your loved one becomes suspicious of you, the following tips can help you cope and may ease your loved one’s concerns:

Do not take it personally. Your loved one’s suspicions are a reflection of cognitive decline, not failure on your part.
Avoid giving them money. Your loved one may forget when they bought something and accuse you of stealing the money. Instead, give them play money or an expired credit card.
Be aware of their hiding places. Your loved one may hide important items out of fear of theft, but they may not remember hiding them. Being able to find the items for them can reassure your loved one and de-escalate the situation.
Avoid arguing. Trying to prove your innocence will not change your loved one’s perception. Arguing escalates the suspicions, leading to agitation and increasing mistrust.
Warn other caregivers and loved ones. Let other family members and caregivers know if your loved one tends to accuse people of stealing. Educate them on appropriate responses.

Use verbal and non-verbal reassurances. Use gentle touch and kind words to reinforce your love and affection.

Minimizing Sundowning

Sundowning occurs when someone with dementia experiences an increase in confusion and agitation late in the day. They may become aggressive, ignore directions, or attempt to wander away. The following tips may minimize sundowning:

Increase daytime activities. Provide activities that involve exercise and physical exertion.
Expose your loved one to sunlight frequently. Take your loved one outside during the day when they can see the sun.
Minimize daytime napping. Restrict your loved one from taking naps lasting longer than 15 minutes.
Provide proper late-day nutrition. Prepare a light meal high in protein and fat and low in sugar in the evening.
Establish a calming bedtime routine. Provide quiet, structured activities in the late afternoon and evening. Be consistent.
Prevent shadows. Strange shadows can frighten sundowners and trigger hallucinations. Turn on the lights before the sun goes down and close blinds at night.

Managing Meals

As dementia progresses, eating can become increasingly challenging for your loved one. The following tips will help you make the most of every opportunity:

Establish a routine. Prepare meals at the same times every day, with breakfast or lunch being the biggest meal. Most people with dementia eat less at night.
Feed your loved one when they are hungry. If they are constantly hungry, they may be confusing hunger with thirst. Try providing half a meal so they can still eat at their regular time.
Provide peaceful, quiet meals. Reduce distractions at mealtimes.
Encourage independence. Allow your loved one to do as much for themselves as possible during mealtimes. Providing a sippy cup and finger foods can make it easier for them to feed themselves without assistance.
Supervise. Eat with your loved one or at least sit at the table and supervise. Cognitive decline can lead to difficulty swallowing and increase the risk of choking.
Note decreased food consumption. Track how much your loved one eats and notify their physician if you notice reduced consumption.
Serve nutritious foods. Avoid empty-calorie foods and foods high in sugar.

Caring for Your Loved One’s Hygiene Needs

Your loved one may lose the ability to perceive when they need to use the restroom and may not remember how to wash their hair or body. The following tips can help you keep your loved one clean and protect their dignity:

Maintain a routine. Have your loved one use the restroom on a regular schedule, such as every two hours. Establish set days and times for bathing, which may only be necessary twice a week. Try to match their preferred routines from before dementia started.
Provide towels and clothing for bathing. Your loved one may be uncomfortable naked. Provide clothing or a towel they can wear while bathing.
Provide safety features. These include proper lighting, a non-slip mat in the bathtub or shower, grab bars near the toilet and bathtub, a shower seat, and a hand-held shower head.
Provide supervision. Never leave your loved one unattended while bathing or showering.
Wash hair separately. If your loved one cannot wash their hair, wash it at a separate time in a sink or with dry shampoo.
Consider a sponge bath. If conventional bathing or showering is difficult or the risk of falling is too high, provide sponge baths instead.

Choosing the Best Clothing for Your Loved One

The wrong clothing could cause your loved one to feel trapped or constricted, and some clothing may be too difficult for them to put on. You can ensure your loved one’s clothing is safe, appropriate, and comfortable by doing the following:

Provide accommodating clothing. Choose loose-fitting clothing free of zippers or snaps. If they must have clothing with zippers or snaps, ensure they are large and easy to use.
Establish a clothing selection routine. Set out a change of clothes for your loved one to wear and promptly remove the dirty clothing.
Reduce conflicts about the same outfit. If your loved one wants to wear the same outfit every day, buy several of that outfit.
Make it hard to undress if necessary. If your loved one tends to undress themselves at inappropriate times, choose clothing that closes in the back.

Taking Care of Yourself While Caring for Your Loved One

Caring for a loved one with dementia is a 24-hour job. Without appropriate self-care, you can become burned out or malnourished. You cannot provide the quality of care you desire if your mental and physical health suffers. You can take care of yourself and your loved one by doing the following:

Put your needs first. The most important way to be there for your loved one is to stay strong yourself.
Get help. Ask friends and family members to help. If they are uncomfortable staying with your loved one, they can help buy groceries or run other errands. Many agencies provide respite care to give caregivers a break.
Join support groups. Nearly every community offers in-person support groups where you can share experiences and ideas for elderly dementia care. Your loved one’s doctor or your Area Agency on Aging should be able to direct you to local support groups.
Take time to care for your physical needs. Eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.
Get some alone time. Alone time provides an opportunity to recharge.
Maintain a sense of humor. Laughter is an important way to relieve stress and feel less overwhelmed.

Managing Your Loved One’s Legal Affairs

If your loved one is newly diagnosed with dementia, take care of legal matters while they can still understand legal documents. Once their dementia progresses and they lose that capacity, your loved one cannot legally sign documents. You will need to do the following:

Prepare and Execute a Durable Power of Attorney and Advance Directives. The Durable Power of Attorney will allow the person your loved one designates to sign on their behalf in medical, financial, or other matters requiring their signature. Advance Directives inform the family of your loved one’s wishes regarding end-of-life care. An estate planning attorney or elder law attorney can help with these documents.
Designate a spokesperson. The family spokesperson is often the power of attorney. The spokesperson communicates about your loved one’s condition with health care providers, family members, and friends. If there are disputes within the family, the spokesperson can serve as a buffer.
Copy documents. Make multiple copies of the Advance Directives and Durable Power of Attorney. Keep a few copies in a safe place and be prepared to provide copies to hospitals and other health care providers.

Additional Resources for Caregivers of People with Dementia

You do not have to go through this alone. Most communities offer multiple resources for caregivers of people with dementia. We recommend the following:

The 36-Hour Day by Mace & Rabins
Area Agency on Aging for your area
The local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association
California Caregiver Resource Center
Family Care Navigator
Lanzone Morgan, LLP

Placing Your Loved One in a Nursing Home

Many families must make the difficult decision of entrusting their loved one’s care to a nursing home. Nursing homes must provide quality care in safe, home-like environments. However, if you notice unexplained injuries, rapid cognitive decline, weight loss, wandering incidents, or a gut feeling that something is wrong, your loved one may be experiencing abuse or neglect.

Negligent nursing homes sometimes impose chemical restraints, such as antipsychotic medications, on high-need residents, particularly those with dementia. These medications can be fatal for dementia patients. Some nursing homes provide inadequate supervision, allowing residents with dementia to wander away unnoticed. Nursing home residents with dementia are also vulnerable to verbal, physical, and sexual abuse.

The following tips can help you choose a safe nursing home for your loved one:

Visit each facility you are considering. Show up at unannounced times during the day and night. Observe the smells and the care the residents receive. Interview staff and try to determine whether staff like working there.
Check each nursing home’s ratings. Read Google reviews and look up each nursing home on Medicare.gov. You will be able to view inspection reports and ratings. You can also determine whether a nursing home is understaffed.

Contact a Lawyer If You Suspect Neglect or Abuse

We are one of the nation’s leading elder abuse law firms. If you suspect your loved one has experienced neglect or abuse in a nursing home, our experienced California nursing home abuse lawyers can protect your rights, investigate your claim, and seek to hold the facility accountable.

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